Requiem for a dream

Requiem [ˈrɛkwɪˌɛm]n

1. Mass celebrated for the dead

2. Musical setting of this Mass

3. A piece of music composed or performed as a memorial to a dead person or persons

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When your one move changes your life,
cut walking on the edge of a knife,
Who can you blame but your own foolishness?
Only the sole creator of your own mess.

Replaying the move a hundred thousand ways,
wishing day-dreaming would change the past days.
They can never see, they cannot understand,
cannot fathom the gravity of their demand.

Hopes and hearts, just put on fire,
forced to walk on ash of desires.
No matter how i hide, how far i run..
I find no peace, and nothing's called fun.

Wherever I go, I only hope to see,
impossible moments, whats wrong with me?
No matter what they say, what they pretend,
no matter what I do now, this must be the end.

Carpe Diem

Carpe Diem. Seize the day. You never know what's gonna happen to you so enjoy the moment while it lasts. Make choices. And don't worry about them being the right one once you have made one. Be happy. Make others happy. That is what you can do the best. Enjoy life as it is. Do not fret. Just try to make most out of your life.

"Life is not about the number of breaths you take. It's about the moments, that take your breathe away" - Hitch.

Be yourself vs. Be the Change.

It's an irritating situation when you tell somebody what their problem is, and what you get back is "That's the way I am. You don't like it? So get out of my life". You then have two choices. Slap them on the face and really get out of their life. Or bend your head down, accept them as they are and move on as if that encounter never happened.

Suppose you're back in time and Adolf Hitler comes to you. It seems he's upset about the negativity he's getting from the World. What would you tell him? Would you tell him "Be what you are"? Or would you ask him to change, and save thousands of lives?

So it is a difficult moment indeed for you to decide whether you should improve yourself towards perfection or whether stay the way you are. I think saying "That's the way I am" when even you know you're being a jerk is a sign of weakness. You don't want to face the challenge to change, to make yourself better. People say nobody's perfect. They are right no doubt. But that does not mean you should get in your own way to betterment.



So basically, my point is, when people say "Be yourself man. That's the only way you're good", they are not always right. You can argue that when someone tries to be someone else, we have to stop them from trying to do so. Well you'd be only half right. Suppose somebody wants to be his idol, say, Subroto Bagchi. I would never stop that somebody from trying to be Subroto Bagchi. You should only stop people from changing themselves, when you feel it won't make them a better person.

Around a month back, I was trying to be a "nice" guy. Trying to be less self obsessed. Well frankly, it required me to have a different mindset. I couldn't do it. Though no doubt it would have made me a better person, still most people were quite relieved when I stopped trying. They supported me in whatever I was. I appreciate that. But sometimes I wonder if they were right to support me....

There is absolutely no doubt, that if someone is trying to be "cool" or "hip", you should stop them. But when it's about betterment, let them try. Not just that, help them, to beat the challenge. Remember what King of Pop Michael Jackson said,

"I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror, I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways, No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer, If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place, Take A Look At Yourself And Then Make The Change......"

How a confused man thinks.

First it was just you present,
just you on this whole earth.
And I had to leave us in pieces,
for they did not match since their birth.

Now the things have really changed,
and it's just me all alone.
Still how I wish to myself,
if only present there was your clone...

Does that mean I still love you?
But I often try to walk new roads...
And I don't know what I really want,
why would I want to take the load?

It has all been down and deep,
and I wonder when it'd be my day...
And now that words can't express it,
what would you have me say?

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I would like to clarify that I am not much of a poet. I have written only 4 poems last year. And none before that. I write poems when I get the urge to write. Like when I feel I can't concentrate on anything without writing a poem. So here you go, with my first substantial public poem.

The Outlook

I have a friend who thinks he is in love with a girl. The girl doesn't like him. She doesn't even want to talk to him. She is full of (the wrong) attitude. Nobody is really her friend. AND he doesn't like her personality either. OK...... Now THAT is really weird.. How could you love someone you don't even like? Isn't that merely obsession? Well whatever it is, he is obsessed with her because he THINKS he loves her. Basically, that's the key: What you really THINK! What you believe in. The world (to you) is just the way you see it.

The word Outlook literally means your attitude and your point of view towards things. For example, my blog is my outlook of the world and human nature. Outlook can be of two types. The way you see the world and the way you see yourself.


Your Outlook of the world is your key to being happy. You would have noticed how a pessimist never be happy. On the other hand, an optimist gives himself no reason to be sad. Similarly, to a cynic, the world is void of humanity because he doesn't believe in the system. That is why they are called pessimist, optimist, or cynic.... right? This is why I always TRY to have a positive attitude towards the world and have faith in humanity.

Your Outlook of yourself is not just your key to be happy, but also your key to success. Henry Ford said, "Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right". It is said the battle is already lost when you think you'll lose it. Your outlook of yourself is your confidence. So what you have to do, is have a positive attitude and believe in yourself. It is hard to apply these things in your life. But if you tell yourself something often enough, you'll start believing it. (Important note: No! Listening to Enrique's "Not in Love" won't really make you believe you are not in love. :D )

That is why some people develop the wrong attitude too. They start thinking they are greatest amongst all of the mankind and whatever they do is right. And this is why people hate people with attitude. Though it is also true that people DO use attitude in their favour by creating a "hard to get" image in the opposite sex. But that is another thing. Generally, no one likes the wrong "attitude".

So always take care of what you think of the world, your life, and your self. Be nice to yourself people. Honestly! Cut yourself some slack. You can't be perfect. Don't try to be as I tried to be. "Imperfect is the new perfect". Haven't you heard? Stay what you are because you're good that way. Though I might add, that a little self improvement won't really hurt as long as you try to improve the right way (i.e. not try to be cool). ;)

Let it Go.

Board exams are finally over. And on completion of school life, my father gifted me with admission to a AIEEE Crash course. Sigh....! Seeing my totally messed up exams, I didn't revolt. It's also sad that I won't see most of my FIITJEE friends again. Many have went to their homes in different states. But what can I do? Maybe we'll meet again somewhere, sometime.

I've never been open with my thoughts. I like to keep personal things personal. One reason of which is that it is very risky to trust a person with your secrets. Because that person you trusted is also a human being. If he/she doesn't trust you, he/she is likely to tell your secrets to someone he/she trusts in exchange of importance. So I've always bottled up my personal thoughts in my brain. Letting out only what I think is trivial. But that creates too much tension. So I look for possible outlets to my thoughts. And diary writing doesn't interest me.



You have to ultimately let go of your emotions and worries. You can't always keep them inside. They grow inside. They eat you up. You have to do something. You can't just sit around. It affects your life adversely. So words of wisdom from a teenager: "LET IT GO".

If you can't trust anyone, or you are uncomfortable doing it, you don't HAVE to. I think the best way to let out something is creativity. Creativity helps represent you. It is a form of expression. Diary writing, poetry, drawing paintings, Blogging, etc., all these are outlets. Your emotions give life to your creativity. The songs of any artist which are considered best are one with emotions and passion in them. Eminem's best songs: "Sing for the moment", "Cleaning out my closet", "Lose Yourself" and other hits are songs with his passion in them. The best poems are a person expressing his/her emotions in a interesting manner.

So draw a painting even if you never have. Or write your first poem. And it will feel great. Put it up on your blog. Put it up on the wall. And just like Rajnikaant, you'd be hitting two targets with a single bullet (I've been told he does so in a film. I haven't really seen him at it). One, you'd have your own outlet. Two, if someone sees it and likes it, you get to gloat over the appreciation. So, happy Letting Go.

How does love happen? By choice.

Note (added on 18th March, 2010): To understand this, understand the meaning of "Subconscious". This post is not about love being controllable. This post is about our hearts being selective who they fall in love with.

Some of my friends are too eager for me to post something about my love life. Well sorry guys, that's too personal. But instead, you get The Abhijit Theory on "How does love happen?". Well, after brooding a lot on the topic, I've begun to think that Love actually happens by choice, and not by chance. However, I may add that the choice is made at a subconscious level. Let me elaborate.

Most people would say that love is blind and it really doesn't depend on anything. But friends, these are just ideals created by movies and books. In real life, we generally like good looking people. They're considered more honest and truthful in the society. You have to agree on this.

People are attracted to beauty, personality (Nature. This is in bold because people are overlooking it), money, power (influence), exclusivity, and so on. This is nothing good or bad. It's just the way we are. And your mind, is continuously weighing down these factors, at least subconsciously. It's not like you carefully notice everything. Humans communicate 93% through body language and 7% through words I've heard. So it's basically attraction that leads to love. I don't believe in LOVE at first sight. There's attraction at first sight, almost totally based on the looks. And that attraction may convert to love. The PUREST form of love is when you feel that a person in your life cannot be replaced by anyone. Your parents, your best friends, your girl friend, your dog, etc.

People also say "Love is unconditional". That it doesn't matter whether the one you love loves you back or not. Well here's the thing. Imagine the world with the person you love, loving you. Still doesn't matter whether the person you love, loves you or not? Well I'd say either you're not human or you're not in love. (Please read comments for further elaboration) Everything about love can be explained on a psychological basis. That is why there are techniques to attract people to you. That is why, the book "RULES" which aims at getting a man to marry you is such a hit. That is why, girls play hard to get, people show attitude, people do what is considered cool and hip, etc. That is why people strive hard to look good, talk good, behave good, and so on. If you really believe love is blind, why do you do all that?

My friend Anoop asked the difference between Heart and Mind on Facebook. I am now in a position to answer him. The difference between Heart and Mind is that Heart is the subconscious mind. (No, we are not talking about heart that pumps blood in our body). I would write more on thing called love, but later.

The Two Sides

The main reason for my very unsatisfactory performance in examinations is that I get distracted very easily. Not while attempting the paper, but while studying for it. When a personal favourite song starts playing in my headphones, I remove my spectacles, throw my pen, keep my head down and give in. I start watching a movie and don't stop until it finishes.

So in a similar situation, I was watching this Hilary Duff starrer 'The Perfect Man'. In the end the movie concludes by showing that there are always two sides of looking at things. And that was enough for my brain to start whirring... And I realized that not just every situation, every person has two sides. A person has an outside and an inside. Some people show what they are like and some don't. I am a hybrid of both. :D

And you can look at things in two ways. Optimistic view and pessimistic view. BUT, it is not necessary that an event has a good side and a bad side by the frame of a single person. What may be good for one person may not be so for some other person. They might be completely opposite. For ex. Annual budget, Reservation (quota), rainfall, etc. Annual Budget may benefit someone and prove to be pretty expensive for someone else. I read in Hindustan Times how this year's budget affected people. It had good impact on some people, bad on some other and no impact at all on some.

That's what made me think.. Can there be three sides to one event or person? Or six like a dice? And I think the answer is yes. Afterall, a woman has so many different (mostly completely different) layers that Sigmund Freud, after researching for years on human nature said, "If there is one question that I can't answer, it is 'What do women want?' " :D

Expectations

I have been wanting to post something since my first post on this blog but the Board Egg-Jams have jammed my egg of a brain and also constrained my hours at the computer. I had written a post about my views on "Human Nature". But I decided that it is too vast a topic to be covered in one post. So I decided to break it down in pieces and write about whatever I am thinking about. And human nature is mostly what I think about.

So I am just through with my Physics exam yesterday and it didn't go as well as I wanted it too. I want to score just above 80% in 12th. Many people would say "That's too much. All I want to do is PASS". But guys, it's all about expectations.

As Chetan Bhagat pointed out in his best selling novel Five-point Someone, "It's amazing how content you can be when you have no expectations". I don't remember the exact line but it was something close. I had a friend in 10th who said "My dad's going to get me a laptop if I scored more than 80%". His dad probably promised him that because he got marks in 50s out of 100 and even failed sometimes. I myself scored 85.8%. All I got from my family was sarcasm.

People begin to expect things from you by the things you do. Everybody would be astonished to see a topper fail. Since he is usually the topper, it is naturally expected that he will top again.That's why, sometimes it gets difficult to live upto expectations. The greater they are, the tougher it is. And it is our tendency to try to live up to it.

Every famous band has to carefully select songs from hundreds they have recorded so that they live up to the expectations to their fans. Celebrities have to watch their weight, behavior, work and so much more I am sure. Nobody would like to disappoint his well wishers. And this is one more thing that complicates life. Expectations.

What does the term "God" mean to me?

Writing about God is kinda weird. But that's what comes to my mind the most. What or Who is God? Who created God? Where did he create this infinity of universe???

People portray God as a man sitting up in heaven (on clouds) looking at everything down here. But how can you even think of God as human? What about the time when dinosaurs existed? Was God a dinosaur then? Or has evolution stopped at being human? Very unlikely. Some people don't even believe in the concept of evolution. Because the idea that God doesn't exist is rather scary because he stands as a symbol of hope to the man who has lost it all. Symbol of "Whatever happens is for the good". And this is why people believe in God. Because it gives them hope.

Science does not prove that God doesn't exist. Even if Science comes to the core of formation of Universe, it would only prove the existence of God. For example, the Pope who was murdered in Dan Brown's novel Angels & Demons, believed that by the proof of Science that anti-matter exists, Science is proving that the almighty created the two things, Matter and Anti-Matter. Because there has to be an origin of the two. And that origin is God.

I portray God as something beyond human imagination. Something way above what we can think of. All these Gods we worship are merely fragments of imagination of highly gifted authors to me. I am not an atheist. I believe in God. God exists. After all, who created everything if not God? That's the definition of God, right? Creator of the Universe. I just don't believe the way everybody does. Who knows? If Harry Potter had been conceived of thousands of years ago, we would have all been chanting "Expelliarmus" instead of "Om". God and this universe is something we can never understand.

But what is the structure (shape) of God? Who created everything? I guess I would never know....